i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
