I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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