The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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