I'm lost and stupid without you.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize