I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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