we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
