oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
