It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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