So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
