this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
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The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
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You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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