Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
