Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
