I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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