Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
