You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
