he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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