She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
