I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
