yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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