he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
