I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
