eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
