She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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