I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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