What a fucking waste of an outfit
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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