The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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