i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
