Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
