I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
