My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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