Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
