I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
