Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
