Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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