he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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