We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
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You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
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In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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