I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
