In the future we'll all be gay
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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