Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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