Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
