i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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