i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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