Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
