so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
