dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
