If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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