you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
