i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
