i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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