They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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