Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
