She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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