So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
