your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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