Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
