I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
