Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
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I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
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If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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