She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
