I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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